Pretty Pretty

What an eventful day today. For the first time in my life, I went for a make-up workshop. I realised that it is indeed an art to make one's face look pretty pretty. It was fun cos we had hands on on our own faces. Not too bad for someone who doesn't believe that we need foundation, concealer and loose powder beneath the colours. Well, ok, I did see a difference with all the coatings, but practically, I may not see myself doing much of that. I perspire so much that, more often than not, I don't feel that it's worth the trouble. I think if I ever go through all that trouble, then I would have to ensure that it would be a literally 'no sweat' activity. And that would include the journey of getting to that activity. I think I would only get to do that in a seasonal country during winter. Back home, it would just have to be indoor, full blast air-con, chaufferred trip to and fro. Super pampered ah!

Well, all of the above started at 5pm. I was at KBC in the morning, led worship today. First time I'm using the mic. Much better, didn't have to scream. So happy to see CW today. He managed to slip in for the session because so and so was on duty today. Anyway, I wish him all the best for this studies. Some of them are having their papers this Monday. All the best guys!

Left KBC at around 11am and headed straight to NUS to visit JX. His family opens a stall at one of the canteens. Met his parents today. The first time I went by, they were both not around. His folks were friendly, especially dad. I'm happy for him that at least he could find work immediately after release. Sometimes it's the searching that really gets them down. He's an honest chap and I feel that he has a good heart. I pray that he would grow steadily in his faith and discover God's purpose in his life.

Meet Up Cum Celebration

Met up with MD, JM and TY at LMS's workplace to have lunch. Belanjah them to an expensive lunch at Breeks. $115 in total...need to be thrifty for the rest of the month. Sigh...who ask me lah, soft-hearted, gave in to MD when he said he wanted me to treat him to Marche...wonder if it's a blessing in disguise to have it at Breeks instead...or would it have been cheaper at Marche. Well, I don't want to know. I just didn't know how to reject them. I guess I was just too excited about the gathering.

But it was really good to see all of them outside, so I guess it was worth it. Maybe next time I would go for lower range. I don't want the boys to have the wrong idea and give in into the same temptation to be extravagant, rather than prudent in spending.

I hope they would do well in life. It's a tough world, especially the ones with lower education. They must really be willing to work hard. It's alerady so difficult for those with tertiary education to find a job they want. So, I pray that they would not give up too easily. Press in, brothers!

Can We Really Tell Ourselves How We Should Feel?

I guess not.

The emotion usually comes so fast I don't really have the time to think which feeling should manifest in my heart at that very moment. And you can't tell another person, "No, you should not feel this way, it's not right." I think that's such a superficial remark.

When I was studying in Uni, the psychology of feeling is very much attached to what we think about something (cognitive). Is it a chicken 'n' egg so we'll just have to work around it.

Picking Myself Up...Again

Talked to Arnold over lunch today.

The conversation set my mind thinking about trying again. For 21 years I've been trying and failing and giving up and picking myself up again, and then trying again and failing again...just a cycle of unsuccessful attempts that resulted in a greater fear of starting the next time I even want to think about it.

Would it be deception if I tell myself that I would need to quit everything so I can be focus in doing this? Or is it just reality that I should not let everything else have any opportunity to distract me?

Perhaps it's time to lay out all that I'm currently doing and weigh the importance, and realistically the things that I need to at least keep me happy while I embark on this arduous task.

Would such become a lifestyle that I couldn't find myself going back to the things that I have decided to stop doing?

Father, I ask for Your wisdom as I lay this at Your feet. I want to do Your will, not mine. Help me to let go of the things that is not inline with my destiny and purpose in this life that You have given me. I don't want to sit on the fence and keep giving myself excuses such as lack of time, money, personal transport etc. I'm supposed to be able to do all things through Christ who strengthens me, right? Does this fit into one of the "all things"? Give me a sign.

Still Aches

My heart still aches, though logically speaking, I shouldn't be feeling this way. It's taking a bit too long to dwell in this place and I think only by a change in perspective that I can get out of this rut.

So how should I be thinking?

Tell me, Father. You are the only one who knows how deep I've been hurt. So deep yet it feels so ridiculous to confess the hurt this person has caused me. What's done cannot be undone, and it is probably the truth that it is stupid to feel like that for so long. So, Father, please teach me how to rule over my own emotion. I know You are right here beside me because You will never leave nor forsake a broken heart. Abba, will You patch back my heart again? Or better still, give me a new one for this one is corrupted.

I never knew that loving someone like a sibling can be so difficult. Would I feel the same if I had a younger sibling? Or perhaps knowing my limits, it was in Your wisdom that I am the youngest in the family. I don't know.

But I will never stop loving. How can I, when You are still loving me? You are enough for me. And while You continue to love me and through me, grant me Your grace to handle the hurts as a result of my vulnerability. Help me to be strong so that I will not turn this love into hate or become a cynic or skeptic.

Hatred is never Your way and so it shouldn't flow from me as well.

Let Go & Let God

Let It Go
by Corrinne May (from the album Safe In A Crazy World)

I think we've been here before
I recognize this place
I've seen the mark of confusion
Wipe out a single sign of grace
And I don't want to play anymore
Not when the stakes are so high
So before we circle round once more
I'm gonna lay down
Lay down my
Pride

Let it go
Let it be
Don't waste all your emotion
On this tit-for-tat machine
Let it go
Let it be
Let it go

I turn on the TV
And it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
Since the start of Adam and Eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
And we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride

Let it go
Let it be
Don't waste all your emotion
On this tit-for-tat machine
Let it go
Let it be
Let it go
Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go
Let it be
Let it go